Participant Perspective - Aneesa Addarich

Students taking part in the Council for Opportunity in Education Keith Sherin Global Leaders Program have been tasked with documenting one day out of their journey in The Hague, Netherlands.

Aneesa is a student at the State University of New York - Binghamton.  She is a member of TRIO Student Support Services. 

Blog Date:  July 5, 2019

This mirror at the Humanity House summed up my day very well in one photo. The point of the mirror was to put you in the shoes of a refugee who feels invisible, so when you look in the “mirror” you don’t see yourself. It is an unsettling feeling to be looking in a mirror but unable to see yourself. On a surface level, it reminded me of how I felt every morning for the past week because there are no long mirrors in the dorms, so I never know what my outfit looks like before I walk out of the door. I get dressed and hope for the best. This is has been an adjustment for someone who usually checks the mirror 15 times before I leave the house. On a personal level, the mirror reminded me of how this trip has already changed how I look at myself and how I think others look at me. Everyone has an image of themselves in their head, what we think other people see when they look at us. Looking in the mirror, I saw nothing but I knew I was there. I could feel the weight of my body, my feet on the floor. But in the mirror, who was I if I couldn’t see myself? Being in a new country is a highly conscious moment of the differences between who you are and you hope to be when you are abroad. All of the sudden you are aware of your unconscious mannerisms and regular habits. You notice how you always pull doors that usually push. You notice your body feeling tired when it’s still daylight outside (even though it’s 10pm). You notice how you hesitate to drink the water you just filled up in the bathroom sink. I have become very sensitive to everything that I am, everything that I do, everything that makes me who I am, because those things make me different here. When I look in the mirror at home I look exactly how I think I do. When I look in the mirror here I see nothing, and I am left with the nagging question of who do I want to be in this unfamiliar land?

In my head I am: Aneesa, freshly turned 20 year old, college student, book lover, Barista, future world traveler.

To the guy in the Lighthouse Cafe I am: girl who doesn’t know how to open a garbage can.

Traveling is a whirlwind of emotions. Highs and lows. Today was my favorite day so far. I ate (many samples of) cheese, Greek food, ice cream and my daily stroopwaffle. I am grateful for everything I’ve learned and everyone I met. I’m ending the day feeling very grateful and introspective about my place in New York, in the United States, in the Netherlands, in the world, in relationships with friends and family, and most importantly with myself.